My daughter got a “Dora the Explorer” tent for her birthday a few weeks ago.  It’s not any more than about 3 feet by 3 feet, w/a couple of openings on either side to crawl into.  This past week, she was playing with the tent, and in the course of her play she called the tent, “Her castle.”  It struck me as a wonderful example of how a child can take a tent and make it a castle.  Meanwhile, the average American can take a castle and call it a tent.  

We live in the most prosperous place in the world, and each day, hundreds of thousands of us are so caught up in being upwardly mobile, that we are discontented where we currently are.  We live in an apartment, and want a house.  We live in a house, and want a bigger house.  We live in a mansion, and figuratively want a castle.  We live in a castle, and what’s next?  I long for the same child like quality that enabled my daughter to look at her tent as a castle.  Scripture tells us that “godliness with contentment is great gain.”  I don’t want to be the guy living in a castle and wishing it wasn’t a tent.

It’s quiet here.  Too quiet.  There’s no baby crying.  There’s no diaper to change.  There’s no little icon of my wife asking for popsicles before bed.  There’s no one beside me at 11:21 PM in our room.  The baby monitor is off.  The night light my wife refuses to turn off, is off.  There’s nothing to wake me.  It is my house for about 6 days, but it’s not my home.  A house without my girls is not a home.  It’s the house I live in.  Sure it’s comfortable, but it’s not my life.  My life is to cuddle with my girls before bed and watch Jeapardy.  My life is to “love on” my daughter, tell a story, and put her to bed.  My life is to turn our minds off and relax to our favorite shows, curled up on the couch with an icy, with my wife.  My life is not quiet.  I like quiet, but I already miss my wife.  She’s visiting her home town in Delaware with her family.  I missed her before she left.  The whole house talks to me.  It tells me small stories of tiny details that make me long to see them.  An empty house is nothing more than bricks, siding, roofs, etc.  A home is where you live, love, and learn with your family.  I’ll trade the quiet for noise of my life anyday.

There are few things in this world that teach a person more about self-denial than having children.  I certainly would not say it is the only thing that teaches this.  There are some that are physically unable to have children.  God knows this and will teach you in other ways.  But for those who are able, and have taken the plunge, there is no better way to illustrate what it means to deny yourself on behalf of another.  A baby enters the world physically helpless.  Totally dependent on another, namely the parents.  A man and wife that decide to have children will soon learn that their lives are no longer their own.  Yes a child is an independent person with their own body and soul.  But in the years the child is under your care, they belong to you.  Under God, you’ve been given stewardship of your children and every parent knows that from pregnancy on, nothing remains the same.  I can glibly say that the joy outweighs the pain of your self-denial.  But like every form of self-denial it’s not so automatic.  There are dark days.  Days where you’re unsure whether you’re fit for the job, certain someone else would do much better than you.  Yet you persevere, another fine lesson of parenthood.  You wake up at any and all hours of the night, and if you desire to care for your child you have no choice but to forsake sleep.  And it is relentless, the fatigue.  You change your patterns of living.  You can no longer go where you want, do what you want, and have no one to answer to except you and your similarly mobile spouse.  But a child throws a wrench into all that.  Now every plan revolves around the baby.  When will she sleep?  When will she eat?  Is it not too cold for us, but too cold for them?  Is packing and taking all the things the baby will need worth the effort just to run to the mall?  Or even church?  Many will say no.  It is not worth the effort.  ”I very much like my freedom, and am not ready for a little baby to change all of that.”  Others will say it is more than worth it.  The joy of raising a tiny human far outweighs the pain of self-denial.  But which is correct?  I do not wish to say someone waiting to have children is morally deficient or wrong.  But I question the motives.  Is it really for the sake of the child or for the sake of personal freedom?  I believe it leans towards the latter, personal freedom.  Self-denial hurts.  Giving up you freedom hurts.  Yet without self-denial we cannot know what it means to be Christ’s disciple.  That is again not to say this can’t happen without children.  It is to say children are the most effective way to learn this lesson.  It is a natural byproduct of attempting to be a good steward of parenthood.  No one trying to be a good parent can fail to be taught this lesson.  It “comes with the territory” as they say (who is “they?”).  I would encourage a married couple to go the path of most resistance.  Learn the lessons of self-sacrifice.  Take them as you learn them as a parent and transfer that to your relationships with other people.  The lessons work for most any relationship.  If you’ve read this far and have children, congratulations, I’d like to say keep pushing forward, learn from your mistakes, and be careful to be good stewards of the gifts of children.  If you are married, can have children, yet choose not to, I say examine your motives.  Are they selfish reasons or sacrificial loving reasons?  There is an obvious difference.  You will know if you’re honest with yourself.  Now reexamine your reasons, and ask if not having kids is God glorifying now?  If not, then when will it be?  When is the right time?  There will always be a part of your flesh begging not to have kids.  Begging you to fill yourself with yourself.  And so there will always be excuses.  Sometimes they will be good ones.  Sometimes they won’t.  Do you wish to deny yourself more than you ever imagined you could?  Then married friends and acquaintances, try for children.  The joy will overcome the pain.  The laughter will overcome the tears most often.  It will never be easy.  Nothing worth doing usually is.  But it is infinitely worthy.  

The new movie, “The Golden Compass” is already the most controversial film among Christians in a very long time. The author of the books the movie is based on (last name Pullman), is an avowed atheist with a blatant agenda to tear down religious belief, or belief in God period. It is a blatant attack wearing the clothing of a children’s story. He went to war on faith, and millions of men, women, and children will unknowingly walk into the movie theater and walk out never realizing what they’ve just seen is an attempt to get generations of people to believe there is no God. I won’t go into anymore depth, but I’d encourage you STRONGLY to click on the links to 2 articles about the movie in the right sidebar (They Said it: Things from People Much Smarter than Me). Let me know what you think.

We left the hospital today at about 1 and are settling in with Ava Grace in her new setting. She’s handled it like a champ. She’s actually handled much like her father, by sleeping for hours at a time. I feel like someone’s drugged me with some powerful sleeping potion. Brooke is doing so great I can’t believe it. You would never know she went through labor a few days ago. It’s absolutely astounding. I guess with Kate being such a difficult delivery I assumed they were all like that. In any case we’re excited to get back to life outside the hospital and adjusting to two little girls will be a real change, but a welcome one. Thanks to anyone reading this for your prayers and support. We appreciate each one lifted up to the Lord. We look forward to seeing you all again soon.

Tomorrow morning at 5:00 Brooke and I will wake up, take showers, and head to the hospital to meet our new baby. I believe I will have access to the internet from the hospital so I will post some pictures, and post a few blog entries, so check back often to see pictures of the new tied for the cutest girl in the world. If you’re in driving distance stop by and see us. We are pumped!

Ava Grace Phillips is preparing to make her grand entrance into the world in about 5 days, prayerfully sooner. My perhaps delusional dream is that when we go to the doctor today he’ll tell us, “Wow you look ready right now. Let’s get you admitted to the hospital.” That’s not too much to ask since my wife’s been having contractions for a week now. My gut says, “You’ll just have to wait it out.” God’s always trying to test my patience. Patience is truly one of the hardest virtues to learn. I usually find myself expressing to God my already well developed sense of it. Like I told the church on Sunday, “Who am I fooling? Sometimes myself, but never God.” He knows I need to continue to mature in this area. Who doesn’t? Children are the surest way to test your patience level. I’ll post soon on Children and Sanctification. This is one of the most practical lessons I’ve learned in a long time. I hope it will help you when you’re fooling yourself about it.